“Many” – An Abundance Shift

Yoga and meditation have played a big role in my life for over 15 years now. Through these communities over the years I have met lots of people who have worked closely with teachers, gurus, and spiritual leaders as their mentors. Some of them even lived with their spiritual teachers in ashrams or followed their gurus all over the world.  This always had me in such awe learning and hearing of people’s experiences in working with their mentors and teachers.

When asked in casual conversation who my mentors were – I never had an answer. I never had one.  I would listen to my dad talk about all the mentors he had in his railroad and transportation career. They guided him and helped him along his career path at different intervals encouraging him to apply for different positions and to better himself in his profession. I was envious of his stories of how he reached such success through the help of these mentors within his profession.

Where were my mentors? I did not have a teacher I worked with specifically?  What was I missing? Was I not allowing this into my life?  Was I really trying to do everything on my own? I mean I have friends and colleagues I talk with but nobody that I was directly following or learning from through ongoing regular contact. Or at least I thought until now.

Last night reading one of the many books stacked on my nightstand – which is common place for me. I ALWAYS have at least three personal development or spiritual books that I am reading at one time. I turned and glanced at the several titles staring back at me. OMG!  These are my teachers.  Books are and have been for years and years……….my teachers and mentors.  The authors of these books have ALL been my mentors. I do not have one mentor or guru or teacher……I actually have MANY!

Here all along I thought I was lacking something.  My perception was I was “without” when actually it has been the opposite…..I have been with MANY!  How lucky am I.  This new perspective and awareness suddenly created a domino effect inside of me..  What other areas of my life have I been disillusioned and thought I was lacking when in fact I was experiencing ……a level of abundance in MANY?

The first thing that came to mind was CHILDREN.  I am 43 at the time of this writing and I have no children. I have never given birth to a child and the large majority of my friends have children and families.  Then I remembered.  Jennifer…… you were a pediatric speech therapist for over 15 years. You traveled the world working with families and children.  You have had MANY children in this life.  You have touched the lives and mothered children in a different and unique way.  Not one child, or two or even three but thousands of children. Here I was feeling down that I had not given birth to a child and that I lacked having a family when in fact…….I have held, nurtured, loved, and cared for more children than most can even imagine. I have had MANY children!

What about a HOME? I currently do not own or have a home of my own. Though I have in the past and a wave of missing my own home does occur for me at times. I feel the inner spark of being ready to once again decorate and root a bit in my own space. Sometimes pangs of lack regarding my current financial situation and the possibility of owning a home again can stir up negativity inside of me.

Reflecting on my life’s journey, with this new awareness………. I can now see…how lucky I have been. I have had MANY MANY homes.  How incredible.  I have had more homes than most people could even comprehend. I have experienced living in everything from a classic New England Salt Box style home to a six million dollar mansion in Beverly Hills, to a small studio apartment in the city, to a sweet place by the sea, to an urban condo, to a million dollar home at the base of a volcano.  I have had MANY MANY homes — what a true blessing:) I have experienced many styles of living that people only dream about.

I have been divorced since 2001.  Since then I have dated different men and have had a few long term relationships. PARTNER and SEXUAL ALCHEMY is another area of my life that has plagued me and has caused me to swirl in the vibration of being “without”.  Where is my partner? Why am I not married again?  Everyone around me are still with their same mate or are married or in strong relationships. I am however- “without”.  What a misperception! I have had the fortunate opportunity to experience a wide variety of relationships.   I have learned so much about myself and have learned to fall in love with masculine energy all over again. I have learned all that men represent and what the masculine is going through during such transformational  times. I have had  MANY sexual experiences. It has been amazing!  I know what true sexual alchemy is. I know what core essence ecstasy is all about. I know what love is.  Real essence soul to soul love. How lucky am I!!! Most people have yet to even touch upon what heart opening sexual alchemy  is all about. Through my MANY experiences I have been gifted with all these learnings and for that I am grateful.

Abundance has been here all along.  It has been tucked away behind my self limiting view of what I thought was “supposed” to be.  It has been morphed behind the concept of “without”. I REALLY believed that I did NOT have any of these things…….. a mentor, a home, children, a family, a partner, etc. When in fact I have had MORE of all these things than the average person. I have had MANY of it all.  Most are striving to create more and have more and be with many many of something.  I have already been gifted with MANY. I have been blessed with a huge level of abundance in EVERY area of my life and I did not even know it.

This shift in perspective has been quite staggering.  It has been the most   heart opening experience in really honoring and loving myself and the truth of my life’s path. I can now embody that ABUNDANCE has been here all along. This is a concept that has shifted from an intellectual viewpoint or understanding to a full body TRUTH.  I mean I have read about this concept over the years quite often. It was time to deeply apply it to my life. It has given me permission to let go of the apology or shame around all my life changes. The view that I am “without” job, partner, home, child. has been false and a misperception. Instead I am with ALL of it in a HUGE and expansive way.  It instead fills me with joy of who I am and who I have become.

What areas of your life are you feeling a level of “without”?  Are you really  “without” or can you replace that word and feeling with “MANY”?  If not the word “Many”  can you replace it with the word “AND”.  I have this AND this.  How abundant am I!!!!! Look into yourself around the concept of “lack” and “without”.  Where can you turn the corner?  Or where can you stand on your head and have a new perspective and viewpoint?  I encourage you to take the time to look into this within yourself. Turn the “without” into “abundant”. Your life will thank you for it~

Category: Journal Entries, Love Your Layers Articles, Small Things - Big Hearts